Have I ever told you?
No?
Well, let me make this clear: My mommy is the best mommy.
Ever.
It’s as simple as that.
What? You don’t believe me?
Oh, sure. I know. Everyone thinks their mommy is the best and that’s really cute and everything, but let me assure you, mine really is Numero Uno.
Still don’t believe me?
Okay, let me tell you why. Then maybe you’ll get it. Then maybe you’ll understand how, out of all the mommies on this green earth, that my mommy is the best mommy. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not knocking anyone else’s mommy. They’re all wonderful, each in their own way. But just like with anything, there can only be one that is the best of anything. And that’s my mommy and here’s why: It all boils down to choices, really.
The best mommy always makes the best choices for us children, even when we don’t realize it, like making us eat gross broccoli or brushing our teeth with that harsh, mouth-numbing toothpaste.
And the best mommy should spend a lot of time with us kids. And mine? She takes me everywhere she goes. I mean everywhere. Never, does she leave me home.
What?
Don’t be silly. A mommy that left her children home, all alone, wouldn’t even be in this category! That’s a different story. A sad story and we aren’t going there today. Sadly, that’s someone else’s story.
There’s a lot to cover, so please! Pay attention. There’ll be question-time later.
We were talking about choices here—remember? My mommy chooses to take me everywhere because she loves me. We go to the mall together and we see all Mommy’s friends. They’re the best! We shop for shoes and hit all the coolest places for outfits. Boy! Mommy has the best tastes! Of course, Mommy would be just as gorgeous in a burlap sack, but her taste in the latest fashion is out-of-this—okay, stop eyeballing me, you’re right. Maybe I’m boasting a little here and I’m getting a little off point, but there’s no denying she’s beautiful and has great taste in all that clothing she buys.
How else would she have gotten me?
Daddy? Ah—no, we’re not talking about him. Let’s just stick to the topic.
Oh! Then there’s Starbucks! We’re actually heading there now. Grandma’s tagging along, too. Funny, she usually doesn’t go. Actually, this is her first time. She says Starbucks is overpriced hoopla. Yeah, she said hoopla. Don’t ask me. I have no clue what hoopla is, but if Mommy likes Buckies then it must be good.
Stop being silly, again. I actually haven’t tried it yet, I’m too young for coffee. But when I grow up, like Mommy, you bet your hoopla I’ll be rockin’ a Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato. Just the way Mommy takes it.
Usually we order inside and hang but today, I see, we’re going through the drive-thru. This is a first. I guess that’s because Grandma is with us. She looks a little grumpy. I bet she doesn’t want to hang. Come to think of it, Mommy doesn’t look too happy, either.
No worries.
Probably a big shoe sale at the mall and Grandma doesn’t want to stop for Starbucks. She’s always telling Mommy—the early bird gets the worm.
Anyway… I’m getting off topic, again, sorry. Where were we? Oh yeah, Starbucks. When Hoopla-Granny isn’t hangin’ with us, Mommy and I chat with her friends for hours. Sometimes until closing. I guess that’s why she’s always reminding Mommy about those early worms. We get in late and Mommy likes to sleep in. Which is why Grandma isn’t the best mommy.
Hold on a sec’—we just passed the mall. Maybe we’re checking out that new mall I heard Mommy talking to her friends about last week and how long it’d take. No wonder they don’t look happy. No one likes long car rides.
Wait, she’s turning into this strip mall? Must be one helluva sale—a ton of people on the side walk waiting to get in. They aren’t Mommy’s friends. They look more like Grandma’s friends, but from the look on her face I don’t think so.
We’re getting out of the car now. Grandma’s crying—geesh! It’s just a sale. So what if we aren’t the first.
I can see the store’s sign: New Beginnings Clinic.
This is no shoe sale.
Mommy, I don’t like this.
Dean Kutzler 