The lights were off and the gang was waiting in the dark. The full moon cast a faint glow on the back wall from the window vent over the door.
“Fronkie, don’t yooou veel’ un-comfortable amongst dah’ humans?” Count Dracula said to Frankenstein. They were squished together in front of the crowd. Wolfgang’s parents were hosting a surprise birthday party for their boy.
“I….. aaaammmm….. huuumannnnn,” Frankenstein grumbled, flicking the Count’s cape off the bolt sticking out from his neck.
“Nooo offense, Fronkie, but yooou are a meeex’ of human parts. Und’ judging by dah’ smell, dooose parts haven’t been alive for some time now,” he said pulling the cape up over his nose. The crowd shuffled back just slightly, but it was jammed.
“I’m aaaaaliiiiiivvvve!” he said elbowing him in the side.
“Ooooffff! I think yooou’ve rrrruptured my spleen. Can I borrrrow yooours? It isn’t as if yooou need one. Yooou can just naaaail another one in,” he snickered like a cat hissing and hiccupping at the same time.
“Grrrrrr! I….. aaammm….. aaaallliiiivvvvve! Whaat dooeess a baaaat neeed with a spleeeeen? It is yooooooou who is dead. Whaat rrr yoooou a Count of any waaay? Trannnyyy—ssuuuckiea?”
The room was silent and the tension was building. The monsters have been going at each other since they’d arrived and it was starting to get ugly. The humans were scared of them, but they’d been warned they were going to be there. Frankenstein and Count Dracula were Wolfgang’s favorite since childhood.
“Oooo, das a goud von. Coming from a man of many parts!” he said twisting one of Frankenstein’s bolts.
“Eeeee—Eeeeee,” Frankenstein tried to speak, but it came out sounding like he’d sucked the helium from one of the party balloons decorating the room. He reached up and untwisted the bolt until he found his voice. “Yaaaawooo, yooooiii—youeeeeoooo….”
“Zounds great! Can yooou zing roshambo too?” he said whacking the giant monster square in the crotch. A loud clank sounded from Frankenstein. “Uh ooooh.”
“I haaavvvve had eeenuffff!” he said before he clobbered the Count over the head.
The door started to rattle. Someone was wiggling a key into the lock.
“Ssssshhhh!” Wolfgang’s mother said, “I hear him at the door! Everyone, especially you two—pipe down! When he opens the door; I’ll turn on the lights.”
Everyone waited quietly as the lock tumbled. The Count fixed his hair and gave Frankenstein another jab in the side with less force this time as if to say, you got one comin’.
The door slowly creaked open and moonlight crept across the floor. As it touched the humans, their appendages started growing fur from the floor up. The lights snapped on and everyone yelled, “Surprise!”
Staring around the room as the crowd tooted on party favors and threw confetti in the air, Frankenstein and the Count looked at one another in shock.
“How insuuuulting! Fronkie, had I knooown they vere verevolves I’d have saaaved us the shame and turned this gig doooown!”
Dean Kutzler 